Finding Peace

My personality is Type A. My wife will tell you that I have lists, plans and goals. And that I have this “work first, play second” approach to almost everything that I do from house chores, losing weight, being on vacation to my work life.

As we often do, we tend to marry someone that is a mirror of ourselves, meaning that they are the opposite. In our case, Barb is easy-going, relational, lives in the moment and fun-loving. Over the 36 years of our marriage, we often say to one another, “I wish I could be more like you”. Isn’t that ironic, we desire to be less of what we are and more like the other?

Now there are pros and cons to being Type A which I will save for another article. But suffice to say that I used to have a difficult time relaxing. In fact, when we were fortunate enough to take a break, it usually took me 1-2 days to “decompress” before I really could start to enjoy vacation.

And I used to plan to the extreme. Here are some examples: When I was 22, I was planning our retirement budget! When we embarked on what was supposed to be a relaxing cruise, I had a minute by minute agenda of the Pilates and aerobics classes that were offered. I am the guy that remembered to bring the 99 cent Wal-Mart ponchos to the ballgame when there is a 20% chance of precipitation. Or I still pre-pack for an upcoming trip so I don’t forget anything at the last minute. I am almost always early for a flight, a movie and a concert. (Does this sound like someone you might know?)

My mind used to never stop. Throw on top of that the responsibility of running large healthcare organizations and you could see where I was a ‘pot ready to boil over’ at times.

In addition to the extreme planning I cannot use the term ‘worry’ but I did want to plan for all possibilities or be prepared for any emergencies.

Whew, I am tired just recalling all of this and writing it.

But my life changed when I finally came to a conclusion: I realized that bad things happen to good people and that it is impossible to avoid these circumstances. You cannot plan for everything!

Now I will always prepare (it’s my nature), but I learned that I needed to trust. I needed to trust that when these bad things happen, I will get through them. I needed to trust that there is something or someone out there holding me up and helping me to navigate. I needed to trust in my friends, family and loved ones to help me. And most importantly, in my case, I needed to trust my God. Once I did this, my life seemed to come together. I slept better, became a better spouse, father and friend. I started to feel a ‘peace’ about circumstances that would previously totally ‘eat me alive.’

For example, about a year ago, someone very near and dear to me had to go through open heart surgery. I was unable to be with her on the day of the surgery but Barb flew out there. I was stuck in a hotel room in a city on business. As if it was yesterday, I remember kneeling down on my knees and praying at the exact moment of the surgery and instead of feeling anxiety, I felt peace. Instead of worrying, I felt comfort. I trusted. I trusted that this situation which was totally out of my control was in the hands of someone else. I trusted the nurses, doctors, hospital staff and God.

She came through the surgery beautifully but afterwards I learned that there were some potential issues that could have changed the entire outcome. I have to admit that tears of joy and relief rolled down my cheeks when I got the text that she was okay. But a situation like this would have been very tough for me to have handled many years ago, before my awakening and learning to trust.

One way to improve trust is to do everything we need to do our end. Be prepared, seek wise counsel, live a life according to values and then turn it over. In my life, when I stay closer to God and listen and do what I need to do, I am able to better understand that I cannot and should not plan for everything. And that I cannot fix everything.

Winston Churchill once said, “If you are going through hell, keep going”. We shouldn’t stop, postpone or procrastinate because we have fear. Plow ahead, do our part and then trust. In my life, when I followed this path, it leads to more peace. If you are presently ‘going through hell’, keep going! Head towards peace.

Thanks for reading this and have a great weekend.

With a goal to “help the next guy in line”, Glen Cavallo, a 30+ year healthcare executive has chosen to share the many lessons he has learned with others. Glen does this by serving as a coach/advisor to leaders at all levels of organizations, as a board member and as he presents inspirational speeches at regional, national, annual and awards meetings.