It's in my DNA

I am a routine kind of guy. I wake up around the same time each day including weekends, holidays and vacation. I usually work out for an hour and I am done by 7am. I read the paper from front to back, shower, eat the same breakfast and get started on my to-do list. I have to have a to-do list. (Even though I am 75% retired.) Nothing feels better than using a black magic marker and crossing off the phone calls I made or chores and errands completed. Since I am generally up early in the morning, I usually want to have most of the list crossed off by noon. Sound crazy to you? Well, you may not be a ‘Three’ on the Enneagram. More on that shortly.

I worked for a lot of Threes in my career. (I just didn’t know that they were at the time nor did I know I was as well). I often heard and sometimes said, “There are no acceptable excuses for failure.” Or, “We will succeed because of relentless execution”. Or, “We will just outwork our competitor”. I often used the same mottos at home in my personal life.

Wow! It was like I was running on a treadmill every day while someone purposely increased the speed by another .1 of a mile until I was living at work and home in a full sprint all the time. Success seemed to follow but so did pressure, stress and frustration.

During this past year, I have had the opportunity to read and study a book called The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. The basis of the book is the study of the Enneagram. Never heard of it? Neither had I. It is a “description of the human psyche which defines nine interconnected personality types.” For me, it has helped me understand why the people closest to me do certain things or respond in certain ways to situations. It helps me to understand how people are wired and why they respond as they do when they are in a healthy, average or unhealthy stage. It helped me to understand me.

Many of the leaders I met in business are Threes. Here are just a few of the characteristics of a Three:

• They like to be efficient, productive and strive to be the best.

• They hate it when people slow them down (especially when they have goals to accomplish).

• They would rather lead than follow.

• They love to compete. It doesn’t matter if it is in business or a board game or even with goals they set for themselves.

• They are great at multi-tasking.

• They love setting goals.

• People think they work too hard (they even work on vacation).

When in a healthy mode, a Three loves to set goals, “rises to challenges and solves problems”. Average Threes “push to overachieve, spend too much time at work or the gym.” They are highly driven. “Their need to perform even extends to the time they spend coaching the children’s soccer team or volunteering at church”. Unhealthy Threes “find failure unacceptable, which renders them unable to admit their mistakes”. Some unhealthy Threes “at their worst, can be pretty mean and vengeful”.

If you haven’t read the book, I encourage you to pick one up. I am a better husband, parent and friend because of it. Warning though, you may not like yourself very much when you read about your “Unhealthy” mode. I didn’t like me.

For the most part, I now live as a healthy Three. I like me a lot better now. I tend to be in a good place with my faith, I want to help the next one in line reach their goals, I am not afraid of failure anymore, and I usually will admit when I am wrong or if I made a mistake. I want to help others and Iook outward.

People cannot change who they are. One of my granddaughters is mini-Barb, my wife. She is two years of age but you can see it already. She loves to be outside, explore, take risks, to sing and dance and love on animals, etc. It’s in her DNA. I am guessing she will be a Two on the Enneagram (a Helper) like Barb.

After leading teams for almost 40 years, studying why people do what they do and now reading this awesome book, I have come to the conclusion that we are all wired differently. Not right or wrong but different. God made us exactly the way we are. The world would be a lot better if we all could just love others for who they are and love ourselves as God made us.

Thanks for reading this!

With a goal to “help the next one in line”, Glen Cavallo, a 30+ year healthcare executive has chosen to share the many lessons he has learned with others. Glen does this by serving as a coach/advisor to leaders at all levels of organizations, as a board member and as he presents inspirational speeches at regional, national, annual and awards meetings.