What I Fear, I Create

​When I was 4-5 years old, I hated needles so much that just the thought of them would make me ill. I remember being in our doctor’s office on 42nd street with our pediatrician, Dr. Pounds. I had no idea why we were there until I saw these needles on a metal tray. I was already naked from the bottom down and without shoes. I so clearly remember realizing what was about to happen. So I made a break for it. Without pants and shoes, I jumped off the table, ran through the office, out the door, down the steps, and the two blocks to my house. In hot pursuit was my Mom, Dr. Pounds and his elderly nurse. Now I was pretty fast for my age so there was no way they could catch me (I thought). I got to my house first, ran up the five or six steps and reached for the handle of the door. It was locked! Of course it was. We lived in Camden, NJ. We had 10 locks on our doors. I was out of hope and space. They caught up to me, unlocked the door, went inside and I got those shots right there in my living room. Kicking and screaming the whole time.

Fast forward years later and Barb and I were getting married. She was in Pittsburgh planning the wedding and I was back in NJ. We were to be married on February 14 but in order to get our licenses in the state of Pennsylvania; we needed to get blood tests. Barb had hers done well earlier but I kept putting mine off for obvious reasons. It was January 31 at 4pm and the lab closed at 5pm. It was the last day for me to get my blood test completed in order to get our marriage license in time. I remember Barb calling that day pleading with me and my Mom for me to go (and to go immediately). It took every ounce of courage for me to drive across that bridge into Philadelphia to get my blood drawn.

What I fear, I create. Fear seems to evolve. It shapes my thoughts and then my actions. Fear is self-created. I do it to myself! It paralyzes me, holds me back, is irrational and is usually worse than the action itself. In fact, what I have learned in my life is that 99% of what I feared never actually happened. I spent so much time worrying about things unnecessarily.

I remember coaching someone through one of their first compliance issues. I listened as the leader talked himself into a frenzy when discussing the possible negative consequences. I reminded him that he was running a compliant organization, had strong values and intentions and that, if mistakes were made, to learn from them and move on. If things got more severe, he could deal with them then but not to fill in the void of information with the negative. Don’t let fear drive his actions.

People have fears about all kinds of topics depending on a past experience. I have witnessed people fear committing to a spouse because their parents divorced. Others have fear of the water because they heard of someone drowning or they can’t swim. Some won’t fly because of the possibility of plane crashes, won’t go on cruise lines because of being afraid of falling overboard or some won’t go overseas because of violence. My mother was afraid of lightning as she witnessed a little boy get struck by it on a beach when she was young. How many moments and possibilities have we passed up in our life because of fear?

With my fear of needles, I had to make a decision. Was I going to allow it to prevent me from getting married to the woman of my dreams? Or to get my knee fixed so I could go on a trip to Italy? I had to think of the short term sacrifice for the long term gain.

I no longer have the same fear of needles. In fact, tomorrow I have lab work to get done as I have at least annually for the last 25 years. I will breeze through it. I had to reprogram my thought process and to change the recording in my head. It was irrational thinking.

If you are a leader, I strongly encourage you to not manage out of fear or let fear drive your actions. Instead, encourage, inspire, motivate and train your business unit or company to think positively, to be values-based and to remember that it’s all about the ‘why’. Not what you do or how you do it, but why you do. From my experience, our focus drives our behavior. And our behaviors become our reality.

Next up: snakes, spiders and small spaces.

Thanks for reading this and have a great weekend.

With a goal to “help the next one in line”, Glen Cavallo, a 30+ year healthcare executive has chosen to share the many lessons he has learned with others. Glen does this by serving as a coach/advisor to leaders at all levels of organizations, as a board member and as he presents inspirational speeches at regional, national, annual and awards meetings.